she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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