ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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