Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
