Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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