I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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