Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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