I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
