the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
