He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Drunk is not a location!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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