you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
