I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
