if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize