Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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