u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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