worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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