She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Randomize