I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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