Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
