How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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