i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
