You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Actions speak louder than pants.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You're a waste of cheezeits
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
