I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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