I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I skipped work to stalk him.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
