Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
