Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
