Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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