I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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