I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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