i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
