My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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