he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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