I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Alive.
So much puke
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
