yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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