She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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