oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
