did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
