we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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