we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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