Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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