he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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