Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
