cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
