fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
