sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i came on her dog
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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