I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize