You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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