Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
