someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
