I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
