if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
