I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
