what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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