I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize