I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
