whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
