Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize