you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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