just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
