Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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