I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
