Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
