I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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