They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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