She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
