Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize