4 words: hood of his car
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
