Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
Itās 830 am and the amount of Valentineās Day snaps Iāve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
