Your face is a jimmy john
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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