At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
