Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I would ride that face into the sunset
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
