What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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