Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
