i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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