She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
