Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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