my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
