i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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