I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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