okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
