Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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