just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
