Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
