I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
