make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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