The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
