we have pet lesbian snakes
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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