Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love you. Go after that dick
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
