dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize