You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize