I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
