So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
