can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
