I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I deserve this hangover.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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