you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize