i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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