operation have a gay friend backfired
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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