The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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