I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
