I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
