good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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