it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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