dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
