I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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