You really coming over, don't trick.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize