So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
